I’m also a chronic thinker. I analyze and over-analyze and re-analyze things that happen or are about to happen or have happened. I’ve gotten considerably better at not allowing my thoughts to influence my immediate actions, emotions, and therefore relationships with people, but given an idle moment and lack of reading material, the thoughts come crashing in. (Russell Peters has a particularly amusing skit about this.)
I often write my lists during times when I have nothing to do but sit and think. I recently came across one such list, which I had written when sitting in a place where one has nothing to do but sit and think: church. As a teenager, all I did in church was scribble in the white margins of the bulletin with the pinkie-sized pencils they kept in the pew. (I say pencils—plural—because often I would have to go through several of them in one service, particularly if no one had bothered to sharpen their tips since the week before.) I wrote about anything I could conjure in my mind: short story ideas, letters to my friends, offbeat limericks, and of course, lists.
The list I discovered recently was written on the back of a page of then-being-anointed deacons, from 2003. It’s actually a pair of lists concerning a topic that, at the time, was forefront in my mind: Reasons I would make a ___ girlfriend.
Reasons I would make a terrible girlfriend
- I am a worrywart.
- I don’t show affection well.
- I’m not hot.
- I tend to be serious and thoughtful rather than bubbly and spontaneous.
- I have very little spare time.
- I have never had the experience of being anyone’s girlfriend.
- I am not a flirt.
- I put all my effort into things that matter to me.
- I am faithful and honest.
- I love writing to people. (Although if you don’t like to read….)
- I have no “skeletons in the closet” (i.e. ex-boyfriends).
So, for the revised lists:
Reasons I might make a pretty poor girlfriend
- I overthink everything.
- I admittedly fulfill the overly talkative female stereotype.
- I keep myself very busy.
- I am a tad OCD about cleanliness.
- I am not small enough to be “cuddly.” (The traditional “big man, small woman” dichotomy helps guys feel manly and powerful—why else do 6’4” men marry 5’-nothing women?—and if any guy tries to tell me this isn’t true, he is LYING.)
- I am loyal, honest, and I commit myself to making people I care about happy.
- I love sports. Especially playing them.
- I like cooking. And baking. And feeding people.
- I am very good at “keeping in touch.” Give me a means of communication and I will use it.