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Saturday, March 29, 2008

Why I have such a hard time praying


No better than usual, she thought, washing her face. Once you come up against omniscience, any presumption of dialogue collapses.—Bradford Morrow, Ariel’s Crossing

Finally, someone elucidates what I have been trying to figure out all this time. I never knew why praying felt so awkward, so empty. I always start out saying something like: “Hi God, I’m really sorry I haven’t talked to you for such a long time. I know I’m supposed to talk to you all the time instead of just when I want to ask for something, so I apologize; I’m probably not really worthy of asking you for anything, since I’ve been such a bad correspondent. But you already know I feel badly, so I guess I’ll just ask what I wanted to ask in the first place. Of course, you probably already know this, too. I mean, of course you already know this. So sorry again for asking. I’ll understand if you don’t grant it. But of course, you’re God, so you have infinite grace, and so I’ll be really appreciative if you do. But I guess you have your own plan for things, so there’s really no sense in my asking for anything, anyway. In that case, never mind. Thanks for listening.” Now I understand why everyone teaches little children all the formulaic prayers. “When I go to bed at night/someone tucks the covers tight. Just before I sleep I say/thank you God for this nice day. Amen.” “I close my hands/I bow my head/I thank thee God/for this good bread. Amen.” “Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name….” Formulas make praying so much less confusing. Of course, they sort of eliminate conscious thought from the equation, too.

That has always been my problem with ritualistic religions (i.e. Catholicism): they use rituals as exclusionary measures, as ways to keep themselves seemingly “higher” on the religious spectrum than other religions, but when it comes down to it, the rituals don’t actually seem to mean much of anything to anyone, at least on a personal level. Take the Eucharist: Catholics do not allow other Christian denominations to take Communion with them because they believe that the Eucharist is the actual body and blood of Christ (once the priest consecrates it, of course), whereas Protestants, alternatively, believe that the Eucharist is merely a symbol and that the practice of taking Communion is merely an act of remembrance (“do this in memory of me”).

I would be okay with this distinction if I truly thought that Catholics believed they were consuming the body and blood of Christ. However, I find this highly unlikely. What civilized person could, in good conscience, actually eat any substance that they truly believed was composed of human flesh and blood? Moreover, this distinction is not explicitly taught to most Catholics, from what I understand. Having attended five years of Catholic school and participating in Religion class every year, I never discovered that this was the reason why I was not permitted to take Communion with the rest of my classmates until I harassed my teachers to the point where they went and asked a priest for the proper explanation.

This is not to bash Catholics. Eating kosher is pretty outdated in my opinion, too, as is the Islamic niqab. But hey, so long as everyone follows George Carlin’s Three Commandments, we should all get along:

  • Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie.
  • Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you.
  • Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.
  • 5 comments:

    Unknown said...

    my new three rules for life!! love it!

    Kelly said...

    That always upset me that I couldn't take communion at Catholic mass. Especially because EVERYONE in my extended family is Catholic (minus my grand-aunt, who is Russian Orthodox). For example, I couldn't take communion at my godfather/uncle's funeral this morning because I'm not Catholic. That also really confused me... Catholics take communion at weddings and funerals.

    Kelly said...

    Also, I thought it had more to do with the fact that Catholics are elitist and you have to have a "first communion" in order to take communion in the Catholic church, than the idea that the bread and wine actually become the body and blood. I remember being bored during Catholic mass when I went with Angelo and his mom one time and when they went to take communion, I sat and read the book in the pew. If I was actually Russian Orthodox, I could take communion there, according to the book, but since I'm Methodist, I couldn't. I don't remember the exact reasoning, though.

    Anonymous said...

    Pursuant to your first paragraph, it is a much easier conversation with God if you start by thanking Him daily for the blessing He has showered on you that day--however small or medium or large and no matter if it is one or two or more. In doing that, it helps to put into perspective the things for which we think we want to ask.

    Anonymous said...

    Ha! My family and I argue about the whole body and blood thing all the time. My sister says I am a heathen, but what can I say... i believe in symbolism!