First Marathon

Distance: 26.2 miles

There’s the 8:30 pacing group. I should start out with them, but I really don’t want to be going that slow. Lee. Slow-LY. I shouldn’t tire myself out, but I don’t think I’m really that slow. I mean, if the tapering worked, I’ll be at least at an 8:15 pace. Too bad there’s no 8:15 pacers. Maybe I can keep the 8:00 sign guy in sight. That’ll be good. But do they run with those signs? That would be exhausting. I don’t even like carrying my little iPod. MP3. Why do I always call this thing an iPod? Stupid Apple monopoly. It’s like calling tissues Kleenex. God do I need one, although I probably shouldn’t blow my nose at any point. Maybe I should have put Vaseline in my nose this morning. If it starts bleeding again, I am going to be so angry.

Winning Times:

Men: 2:22:51

Women: 2:36:33

I don’t want to see the mile markers! Mile five. Okay, less than a fifth of the way done. What’s 26.2 divided by five? I need Excel. Today’s Sunday . . . I wonder if they’ll make me blog again on Tuesday. Is there anything scientific about marathon running? If someone dies, I could definitely tie that in. Not that I want anyone to die. Not that anyone’s going to; it’s way too cold out here. My hands always get cold. Thank god I wore a tank top, though; I am sweating like crazy. Body glide rocks. Wow, is that the 7:30 pacer? 7:38, okay. How did I catch up to him already? I didn’t think I was going that fast. Maybe I should slow down, but I feel so good! I’ll just listen to my body. But if I keep up with him, I’ll finish in 3:20:00! That would qualify me for the New York Marathon! Although this is not a qualifying race, so really there’s no point. It would definitely get me into Boston, though. I never train with a pacer though, and they say to do everything the same on race day. I’ll just try to keep him in sight if I can and try not to care. I am way too competitive sometimes. Plus we’re not even close to halfway, it’s no wonder I’m not tired. At mile 20, if I still feel this good, then we can talk pacing.

Placement: (Overall) 255/3,439

Look at all of these people! God I love Pittsburgh! No other city would be like this. Philly was nothing like this. Okay, so it was November there; I guess that’s not a fair comparison. Would these people be out in their coats and hats cheering and waving and being so awesome in November? But it’s raining! That surely says something. And all the volunteers look so—whoa! I do not want that cup of Powerade, thank you. Why did they have to use Styrofoam cups? They do not crush underfoot, and the poor environment! What a lot of unnecessary waste. The oranges were such a good idea. Why didn’t they make the little kids wear gloves? Maybe the fingers didn’t fit. That would look so funny, with the fingers flopping all over that orange slice and some runner pulling off the kid’s glove along with the orange….. Good lord, do not spit in front of me! That almost flew right in my face! Haven’t you ever heard of wind? This street is enormous, and you had to spit standing straight up, right here. There is such a thing as a curb. Hell-ooo? God, I would have been so pissed if that had landed on me. Oh, look at those little kids all in a row. I’m totally hitting them up. Is the first one going to put her hand out? Ugh, this stupid iPod cord is always in the way…. Yeah! I love high-fives.

Placement: (Women) 32/1,279

One mile one mile onemileonemileonemileonemile. There’s going to be a bathroom at the end and I don’t care if my dad’s standing there I’m just going to go straight to that bathroom ew although it's going to be a port-a-potty and I should probably stretch first but I really have to go now I know why runners mess themselves they don’t want to stop when they’re so close to the end it’s just not worth it but that would be so humiliating I would never do that hey there’s that woman I saw walking how dare she pass me I definitely have enough energy to keep her in sight. Longer strides! Remember how Ben taught you to sprint! All these people are smiling you’re almost there it’s only a mile you run this in your sleep you definitely have energy left and it’s not even raining anymore dad’s probably in the crowd somewhere watching you don’t want to look pathetic you definitely have energy you’re almost there come on longer strides there’s the yellow sign! 26 miles! You can sprint for .2 miles that’s not even a quarter mile not even two minutes you still have energy go, go, go come on that lady is still in front you’re letting her get away she was walking for crying out loud you didn’t come here to finish like a wimp the finish line has got to be in sight soon maybe they lied maybe the 26 mile marker was off where is the finish line keep going there it is, go, faster, this is a race you’re almost done they just announced your name!

Finishing Time: 3:20:57