Stress Stuffing

I honestly cannot imagine what my life is going to be like without the stresses of: finding a job, impressing people at my job so they will help to elevate me to the job I really want, figuring out where I’m going to live, finding an apartment there, paying for this apartment, deciding on a new computer, paying for said computer, keeping in contact with everyone, letting go of people who don’t want to keep in contact, prioritizing people who do, making new friends, and figuring out what I am really supposed to be doing. And of course, by “supposed to be doing,” I really mean “want to be doing.” What I will be happy doing. Or happiest doing.

But what will I do when these questions are answered? When some of my stars finally align themselves and quit catapulting across the sky? Then what?

Surely I will find some new project, some new “stressful” endeavor to take up my time and energy. Because right now, I imagine that if someone took these projects away from me, if someone were to hand me the perfect editorial assistant job at small book publishing company and the most affordable apartment in New York City right beside Central Park, near Manhattan, I might just collapse into one big noodle-y mess on the floor. I would have nothing left holding me up! Seriously, some days I think that stress is the only motivating factor driving me out of bed and on to the miserable task of resume-submitting and craigslist-scouring. Sometimes, I feel as though I may be on the brink of exhaustion, but then I wonder if it is just my imagination. After all, didn’t I engage in plenty more activities during high school and college? It just seems that the stresses are more Life Sized, now, however, and therefore more wearying. An end of a day now truly feels like The End of The Day. And weekends are for everything that couldn’t get done during the week.

No wonder my parents always did yardwork on Saturdays. I never could understand why they didn’t just do it some weekday evening. Now I know.