How to Please Everyone All the Time

1. Operate at 110% twenty-eight hours-a-day.
   
2. Read minds. Everyone’s. React accordingly.
   
3. Never ever complain. This is an important one. You must go about your duties cheerfully, because everyone must think that you live to please them. This makes them happy or, if not happy, at least satisfied.
   
4. Don’t boast, either. Don’t tell people what or how much you are doing, because they don’t want to know—they just want to see the results as those results apply to and assist them. (This is true of even the most selfless person, if your end-goal is purely to make them happy.)
   
5. Listen more, talk less. Unless you are particularly witty—but don’t be witty at the expense of the person you are talking to. In that case, it would be good to use your wit against someone they dislike. On the whole, however, it is better to play the role of the interested and sympathetic listener.
   
6. Think ahead. Have it done before they ask.
   
7. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, forget you ever heard of the word “no.”