Thursday, November 13, 2008

How to Share a Tootsi Pop

  1. Procure a Tootsi Pop, still fully assembled with stick and wrapper.
  2. Wrap the still-packaged head of the lollipop in a sheet of paper, bringing the corners of the paper down around the stick. Twist to seal.
  3. Smash the double-wrapped head of the lollipop onto an unoccupied subway seat several times.
  4. Carefully unwrap the paper from around the lollipop, catching all broken shards of candy inside the paper. Hand this to your friend.
  5. Remove the wrapper from what remains of the head of the lollipop. Consume remaining shards of candy and Tootsi Roll as desired.

The Fine Print: Instructions have been derived from a demonstration performed by two adolescent African-American males on a Queens-bound F train. Writer will not be held accountable for reactions from other passengers, sugar-related injuries, or other unforeseen circumstances. Results may vary. See demonstrators for details.

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