Last night, I made a deal. I was bored, I was not tired, and I was tired of being ignored by my two friends Tom and Ryan, who had settled down to play endless hours of the exclusively two-man game, chess. Chess is obviously a thinking game, and so they were not the best conversationalists, in spite of my attempt to be “social,” so I returned to my room and read for a while, not paying much attention to the reading and annoyed that I had nothing to do on a Saturday night while two of my alleged “good friends” were merely one room away from me.
After they had had their fill of chess, Ryan knocked on my door to enlist my company once again. This time, however, they were heading out to our common room to play another of my not-so-favorite pastimes: Double Dash. (For those of you more inclined toward traditional board games such as Scrabble or athletic games such basketball, Double Dash is a Mario Cart Nintendo GameCube video game; these two boys have played it religiously since freshman year of college.) Once again, my options were to sit there watching the two of them silently play a game, or return to my room. I chose the latter option.
”Where are you going?” Ryan wanted to know. “How often do you get to see me? You wouldn’t want to miss this chance.”
“I can see you just fine,” I told him. “It’s talking to you that’s going to be the problem.”
“I can talk fine while I’m playing,” he insisted. “I’ve had some of my best conversations while playing Double Dash.”
I highly doubted that.
“How about this?” Tom set the disk down on top of the GameCube console. “If you take shots with us, we won’t play Double Dash, and we’ll spend the night doing something that includes you.”
Now, what kind of an option is that? Basically my choices were 1) return to my room, stew in my boredom, and go to bed grumpy and dissatisfied, or 2) agree to the terms and see what would happen. I have drunk alcohol before, I knew exactly how much I was willing to drink, and I knew that they would not force me to drink more than that; I just didn’t really want to be drinking at all that night (or any night, really). It felt like an unfair request. In a way, Tom may as well have said, “Drink with us or we won’t be your friend.” I know he is my friend, and that’s not what he meant, but there simply is no other subtext.
So I took the shots, and we played three-handed Euchre and 500. I have found that once people are satisfied that you are drinking with them, they rarely monitor how much you drink. I got away with pouring myself a shot and letting it sit there for twenty minutes at a time before either Tom or Ryan noticed I hadn’t taken it yet. Total shots: 1 pineapple rum, 1 vanilla vodka, 2 99 oranges. The drinking spiel was over two hours, and I didn’t feel a single effect, although my face did grow increasingly flushed.
At least I got them to play cards with me. But I can’t help wondering: in the end, is that really worthwhile? Why do such important matters (i.e. spending time with someone and making them feel wanted) come down to such trivial ones (i.e. a shot of vodka)?
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6 comments:
I love this post. I guess it reminds me of being on the cruise ship. For some reason, people were much more likely to accept/include me if I was drinking. And you're right, it doesn't even have to be a lot, but drinking somehow bridges some social gap. This will probably sound crazy coming from me, but I decided on the ship that I'd rather have a few drinks and be social than totally alienate myself. Now, I was an alcoholic, things would have been different, but having a few drinks didn't affect me too much. Anyway, good post!
i would hope that wouldnt be the case, but unfortunately it does from time-to-time
Ah yes, drinking. You made an excellent point about being accepted as long as you're drinking "something". Here's the trick. You do the pouring. Water has the same appearance of many different alcohols & is also used as a good mixer. So is club soda & ginger ale. No one would ever be the wiser of what you're drinking unless they take a swig of yours.
You have to do what's right for you. I'm glad you're able to hold your ground.
It might be that drinking the same beverage (alcoholic OR non-alcoholic) is like wearing the same style of clothing or same hairstyle or same amount of makeup. People feel comfortable being with people who seem to be similar, perhaps because it tends to increase their self confidence. It also tends to give them an identify with a particular group. (Have you seen teens in a group wearing the exact same colors and styles of clothing, the same number of tattooes, the same number of ear piercings, the same amount of makeup, etc.?) If everyone in a group (usually drinks) is drinking lemonade or iced tea and one person (usually drinks) is drinking beer, who feels like the odd man out and perhaps less confident in this particular group of people? It's a subtle thing. And in the college atmosphere, sometimes the things that are not healthy for people are the things that are used by others to see if you want to be "included" in the group. It can be very frustrating and lots of times dangerous. However, I think some of the comments of the other anonymous responder are quite helpful. Be safe, and be well.
The last commenter brings up a good point. I won't ever drink at a restaurant unless someone before me orders a drink, too. If I am forced to go first, I order water, but then I might order a drink when the waitperson returns (but not usually).
On the other hand, I am also usually the instigator of drinking games. However, I am usually surrounded by people who I know will be eager participants, so I don't consider it to be peer pressure unless I go knocking on doors to find people to play with me. I've never had to do that, though.
This is Hayley, btw.
Yeah, I was occasionally getting frustrated with the increasingly antisociality of the supposedly social activities that transpired in our suite. Mostly guitar hero... I almost think that we had a better time when the power went out and we actually had to, you know, talk.
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