Recently, I have been running into the phrase “it’s not how you
look, it’s how you feel” over and over again. When I first started seeing these
messages, I thought That’s nice. It’s
great to see someone standing up to our culture’s overwhelming focus on appearances,
especially a woman. Still, something didn’t sit quite right with me, and the
more I saw of these messages, the more my gut kept saying No. Wrong.
Finally, as I was soldiering through my long run this past
Saturday, I realized what it was that bothered me. I agree that your self
worth shouldn’t be based on how you look, but it shouldn’t be based on how you
feel, either. In fact, deriving one’s self-worth from feelings can be very,
very dangerous. Because no one—and I mean no one—feels great all the time.
Some days we don’t feel like getting out of bed. Other days,
we don’t feel like we could possibly run a single step, play a single note, type a single word. We’re tired. We’re sick. We’re sad. We “can’t.” And yet we
do. Because no matter how we feel, the
truest parts of ourselves believe we
can do these things. And so we do them.
Ultimately, what we believe about ourselves becomes our
reality. If we believe we are worthy of love, others will love us. If we
believe we are kind and compassionate, we will act kindly and compassionately.
And if we believe we are capable—of running this marathon or writing that book,
of starting a new career or approaching a stranger—then we will take the
necessary actions to accomplish these things.
No mater how we feel.
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